you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize