doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
