i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
