I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize