Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
