Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
