Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
