ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
