Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
