is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
