Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
