When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im six kinds of drunk right now
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize