Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the day after is always just damage control
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
