it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
