I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
