is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize