When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
