dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
