You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I met the friendliest cop last night
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
