I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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