Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
