so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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