I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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