My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
