There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You pole danced in your parka.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dicks are not precious.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
