i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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