thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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