i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
