omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what day is it and did you see me today?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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