Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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