I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
