A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
