I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize