he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
