smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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