R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
