Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
