I wish my penis had an off switch
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
