is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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