dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
