I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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