At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
