I am in a vortex of obligation.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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