i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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