I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
