Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
