you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
