I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
