He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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