I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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