Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
