She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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