So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
