Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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