If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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