You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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