How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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