there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
