i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I forget how to act sober
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