I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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