If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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