k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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