I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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