There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
