I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
