I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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