I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
