It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
