we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
