my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
