mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Say something about gay babies.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
