found the other keg... it's in the tree
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
