it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
