OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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