Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
