Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i dont even know how to be here
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
