i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
